How many patterns and textures can be crammed into one small apartment? All of them, apparently. This $1200/month basement flat near Dufferin Street and Steeles Avenue is eye-exhausting. From the Tetris-block wall design to the strange ceiling circles (do you stand under those for Scotty to beam you up?), from the big bold brown-and-black stripes on the couch to the swirling psychedelic design of the earth-toned carpet, no surface is simple or restful. In the kitchen, the cupboard doors are adorned for some reason with 3-D plaques—an old coffee grinder, a wood stove, a tea pot and what looks like a cowbell. Why? Are those the things you're supposed to keep in there? Surprisingly, though, the bathroom is a tiny white oasis of simplicity; maybe you could just stay in there until it's time to beam up to the Enterprise.